It's happening. Right now.
Last night, Friday night, 8pm. I stripped off my dress and panties and stood before my wife, wearing nothing but my bra and high heels.
"You must be very happy about this," Liz said with a big smile. "Essentially, you aren't going to have to wear a cock cage any more. You will be free!"
I nodded my head. I couldn't be glad about anything right at that moment. I had several levels of fear.
First, there was the immediate question. Was this going to hurt? I could not imagine having my testicles crushed and killed was going to be pleasant, but just how much pain? Would I be screaming?
Second, I was / am afraid of losing my balls. Heck... I know I don't need the sperm, I will never have children. I am not man enough, my sperm will never come in contact with a human ova. Never. But... these are my balls! A part of my body! It is still scary losing them. What other side effects will happen? Will I lose my sex drive? Will I stop growing hair on my body? Will my voice change?
But the fear was just... there. I had accepted that this procedure would happen, and it was time; but it was still scary.
"Sit back on the chair now, and spread you legs," Liz looked positively happy about this.
I lay back in the big chair, put my legs up over the sides, spreading them wide. I felt so.... .exposed. Vulnerable. My cock and balls were just dangling out there, and I was going to allow Liz to do... terrible things to them.
"You look pretty scared. You know, I am not sure how much this will hurt, so ... maybe you want a gag? Something to bite down on?"
I think tears were about ready to start flowing. "Yes, Liz. Please. I think so. I feel like... like I might scream anyway. I am terrified."
My voice was shaking.
Liz pet my hair kindly. "Don't worry, Ethan. I will make sure and do this as quickly as possible. Now... let's get a gag..."
She found a nice ball gag with a head harness, but she took the panties I had just stripped off and wadded them up first. "Let's put these in nice and deep and full, OK?"
I opened my mouth, momentarily distracted from my naked genitals waiting for her. She stuffed the cloth in. They weren't too dirty, and tasted OK. The ball gag went in over the panties, pushing back against them until my mouth was crammed full and the cloth slid down my throat just a bit. She strapped the ball gag into place, pulling it tight so the strap cut into my cheek.
"Do you want me to cuff you? It might not be good if you tried to interfere in the middle of a ... sensitive operation."
I nodded again and leaned forward. My wrists were cuffed behind me.
So there I sat, laying back in the armchair, legs flung over the sides, my genitals wide open for my wife to do as she pleased to my balls. And what she pleased was to castrate me.
A tear did trickle down my cheek at that point, and Liz kissed it off. "Your tears are sweet, Ethan."
I was sitting on a plasticized cloth, one that would catch any blood and keep me from soiling the furniture or floor. There wasn't supposed to be any blood, but... can't be too careful with the carpet.
"Just breathe, Ethan, breathe and relax. It is going to be over soon. In just a moment it will be done and your balls with start the process of shriveling and falling off."
I whimpered behind the gag, closing my eyes when I saw the huge metal clamp. The burdizzo. An evil device designed to do one thing. Crush the blood vessels and nerves running to the testicles, destroying them permanently and thus killing the testicles.
"No.. no... please, no... no... please there must be some other way... no, Liz, please..." I started begging, but it was from behind the panty and ball gags, so it came out more as "mpppggggffff ffff mffff nffff nfff hhhgggnnnggggg mmgggggnnnffff".
I felt her hands take my scrotum gently and I yelped.
"Oh, come on, Ethan, nothing has happened yet. You are such a wimp. That's why you are becoming a woman, I suppose." Her fingers pulled and arrange my testicles inside my scrotum, holding them delicately. "OK, are you ready for the first stage now, babe?"
"NNNNGGGG NGGGHGHGHHHFFFFFF!" I cried, my head waggling back and forth. I was losing my nerve.
"Legs apart! Don't bring them together!" Liz yelped in a warning tone. It was all I could do to keep them spread wide, I pushed against the arms of the chair to spread them as wide as I could rather than let them come back together.
With my balls more or less in place I felt the cold steel of the burdizzo blades slide into place behind the left testicle, closer to my body. I was yelling now from behind my gag, though my legs... I kept them spread. I was panting, hyperventilating.
"Calm now, Ethan. Here we go."
Her hands left my scrotum and I felt the burdizzo clamps sort of move a little as she grasped the handles. "NNNSSIUGGGFFFGFGFGGFUGHFGGGFUGHGFGGFGFGFFFFF" I cried out.
Suddenly they smashed down. It was without warning and even though I knew it was coming it took me by surprise. They came down and smashed, squeezing harder than I thought anything ever could. They felt like they were squashing my balls, splattering little bits of destroyed testicle all over the floor and walls. I screamed.
It actually only lasted a couple of seconds. She clamped down on the grips hard, crushing the vas deferens quickly, and then moved the burdizzo to the other side.
"You are doing good, Ethan, keep it up, I am proud of you, proud of you!" She was saying the entire time. I was sobbing, I am not sure if it was from pain or terror, maybe both. It hurt, it really hurt a lot. It felt like I had gotten kicked in the balls and then had been punched in the stomach.
The cold steel blade of the burdizzo was positioned behind my right testicle now. My legs were shaking uncontrollably and began to close, I couldn't help it.
There was a sharp pain in my right thigh. I opened my eyes and saw that she had placed an ice pick between my thighs. Any attempt to close my thighs would result in my getting skewered by the pick. It wasn't a really secure method of forcing my legs apart, but it was enough to remind me of what I was supposed to do.
My legs spread again and the burdizzo clamp suddenly squeezed down, crushing the tissues behind my right testicle, resulting in another whimpering scream.
When she pressed down, clamping off the vas deferens and blood vessels inside my scrotum, she made a sudden, hard movement. The clamp truly crushed and destroyed. The handles were so large they provided a lot of leverage to completely smash the sensitive tissue.
"NNNNNNffffffffffffffffff" I moaned, banging my head against the chair behind me in pain and frustration.
"It's done! It's done, baby! There's a little blood, but not bad, not at all! You can relax now, it's done!"
Liz was being so amazingly nice, she caressed my face, licking my tears, kissing my gagged lips.
The sharp pain my my balls slowly subsided to a dull ache, and I managed to stop crying and panting.
Liz was preparing the second phase. We had agreed that we wanted to make sure there was a clean break, complete and total death of my balls so there was little chance of infection and the necrosis would set in as quickly as possible.
Thus, the second phase-- the elastration. The burdizzo was supposed to destroy the blood flow, but as a backup Liz was applying a band using the elastrator. I would wear this for a few days, during which my balls should die quickly and shrivel.
Also, according to her research, the elastrator would nicely remove a good part of the empty scrotum, allowing it to be removed along with the dead testicles, leaving a smaller remnant of my sack. Without the elastrator, sepsis could set in.
I couldn't feel her working as much with the elastrator. She had it prepared with the band-- two bands actually, for double safety. I guess she really wanted to make sure my balls came off as thoroughly as possible. My balls were in pain from the burdizzo, and I was just moaning and trying hard not to thrash about too much as she grabbed my scrotum and pulled it out.
That hurt a bit, the damaged scrotum and internal tissues were stretched and pulled and I let out a muffled scream again.
"Hang in there, baby, we are almost done. Just getting the bands on, it will be fine, hang in there." Liz kept up her reassuring patter. I supposed it helped some.
She told me later that during the entire procedure I had an erection. A "massive hardon" is the way she described it. I don't know why, all I felt was the pain and tugging down there as she worked.
My entire body was shaking and I looked down to see my bruised, slightly bloody and bulging testicle sack slipping through the band. She began working to roll the band off the elastrator's posts and I could feel them snap into place around my scrotum, increasing the pain. They went in right where the burdizzo had destroyed my ballsack, and each snap off the post brought another yelp of pain.
The real tightness of the band didn't set in until she rolled it off the last post and took the metal elastrator away.
"Done!!!" She said happily, smiling wide. "Oh, goooood boy. Good boy. For now. Soon you will be my good girl. Don't you feel relieved, feel good about this? You are on your way!"
I didn't feel happy. It hurt. The pressure of the band was so incredibly tight, and it was right on the destroyed tissue, it was all I could think about.
"Let's get you some ice." Liz got up and went to the kitchen. She brought back a bowl of ice and gently rested by bruised and damaged scrotum on the cold. She then gently washed the blood off.
"Oh, this looked nice. Let's get your restraints off." She reached behind me, unlocked the cuffs and then removed the ball gag. I let out an immediate sob when the panties came out.
"Oh, come on. You are doing well, you have to admit. It's over, too. You've passed the point of no return, it's done, and it should be a tremendous relief to you!"
I nodded, trying to compose myself. It was done. I still had balls, but there was no way I could keep them now. It was just a matter of time, a few days before they were completely dead. A couple of weeks after that the scrotum would be shriveled and dead and could be cut off. It was inevitable now. It was done.
I curled up on the floor and sobbed.
This all happened last night. It's been a full day, and the pain remains with me. It is horrible. I spend much of my time just curled up in bed. Liz has been able to provide me with some pain killers; they don't actually get rid of the pain but I can sleep with them, at least.
I'm wearing my best panties and stockings, and I am beginning to feel more feminine that ever. My cock is still there and hard, which is sort of strange, knowing my balls are on their way out.
We had discussed whether I would need to be restrained to keep me from trying to get the bands off. It turns out that isn't necessary. Firstly, my balls are ruined from the burdizzo anyway; taking the bands off will just prolong the process. Secondly, the bands are incredibly strong and tight. There is no way I could get them off without some solid but small scissors, and Liz has collected anything that might work and hidden them.
So I am free to touch and play with the band as much as I want. I don't want. It just hurts.
I think the pain is beginning to subside, though. It isn't agonizing any more. It's more of just a dull ache. And my scrotum has turned blackish. If I touch my balls, I can't feel anything.
Twenty-four hours later, and I think my balls are dead already.
It's the strangest thing though, Liz was right. I have had an almost constant erection during this whole thing. I tried masturbating; I haven't had the freedom to get to my cock in months, but... the pain is too much. I gave up trying to stroke myself to an orgasm after about thirty seconds.
